Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writer: Melissa Rosenberg
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson
"I'm the world's most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I needed any of that. As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off. I'm designed to kill." Twilight, as we all know by now, tells the story of Bella Swan (Stewart), a new resident of Forks, Washington, and her sudden and deep infatuation with the mysterious Edward Cullen (Pattinson), whose cold skin and disappearance on sunny days give the impression he may be even more peculiar than he seems.
This movie is why I dismiss so many films based solely on critical reviews. I'm a little baffled, though: I know Catherine Hardwicke is a good director, because I've seen thirteen, and I know Kristen Stewart can act, because of The Runaways. Process of elimination tells me two people are responsible for this utter disaster of a movie: Stephenie Meyer and Robert Pattinson. Let's tackle the second one first. Apparently there wasn't money in the budget for an accent coach, and it's very apparent. Every word that comes out of his mouth sounds like a struggle. I guess it makes up for it that he hates the series as much as I do, and he's only in it for the paychecks. As for Ms. Meyer...I'll try not to go on for too long, but I need to say a few things.
- Every other line of dialogue makes the film unintentionally hilarious.
- Meyer's complete refusal to acknowledge vampire lore = fail
- The most interesting character in the film (Bella's mom) gets the least amount of screentime
- The villains weren't developed, and just kind of appeared and disappeared randomly
- Stephenie Meyer's cameo wasn't handled well.
- THIS MADE ME RAGE
Sadly, I can't drink enough Coppola wine to get through the rest of these movies, as enjoyable as more rip-it-apart posts like this one would be to write. For now, I'll call this film (and the series as a whole, I'm sure) the biggest waste of film since Edison invented the kinetoscope.
Interesting tidbit: Oscar-nominated Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) gets about two lines as Bella's best friend. How she aged 5-10 years between the filming of this movie and her brush with the Academy a year later boggles the mind.