November 7, 2009

Theater ettiquette

People have been seeing movies for over a century now. As a society, we should be past this. Unfortunately, we're not, so I'm writing these words.

  • Candy and bottled beverages: open all containers BEFORE the lights go down, so the people around you aren't bothered by the noise.
  • Light talking in the pauses between previews is acceptable, as long as it's hushed and only in the ear of your neighbor.
  • Unless you're laughing, crying, or gasping in shock, I don't want to hear ANY NOISE that isn't coming from the screen until the credits begin to roll.
Understood? You have the elderly woman sitting next to me earlier this evening to thank for all this, by the way. After setting her phone to "vibrate" before the previews, she proceeded to answer it TWICE during the film, the latter of which was on speakerphone. This is why we don't let the old folk have technology.*

Oh, and Men Who Stare at Goats was okay. Don't pay more than matinee price. Performances were good, nice dialogue (I was proud of the audience for not laughing during a torture joke, which is apparently based in reality), but the lone two special effects looked awful.

*Just kidding.


  1. On speakerphone?! Also, what is this movie about, kind sir?

  2. Oh, you know how I feel about people in theaters. Need I remind you of how I put that little shit in his place when we went to see District 9? Just bring me next time. I don't care if it's an old lady, I'll put that old shit in it's place too!

  3. I completely agree. I've ... I was going to say "yelled" but it is more a frantic, irritated whisper. Anyhow. I was in the movies recently and a girl answered the phone next to me. "Hey what's up, just in the theater watching a movie." So I told her I didn't pay 8 dollars to listen to her talk on the phone.