The Fifth Element - 1997

Director: Luc Besson

Writers: Luc Besson & Robert Mark Kamen

Starring: Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Ian Holm, Gary Oldman

"Leeloo Dallas multipass." A mysterious alien race shows up, interrupting an archaeological discovery on Earth in 1914, explaining that "the stones are not safe" on Earth due to the coming war, and in 300 years when "a great evil" comes, the aliens will return with the stones. Cut to 2214, and ex-military-man-turned-cab-driver Korben Dallas (Willis) having the good fortune to be dropped in on by the mysterious Leeloo (Jovovich), who asks to be taken to priest Vito Cornelius (Holm). It turns out the woman has a connection to the stones destined to save the universe from aforementioned great evil. The three are pursued by the evil Zorg (Oldman), intent on taking the stones for his own nefarious purposes.

This is, very nearly, the best action sci-fi film I've ever seen. (The best dramatic sci-fi film is, of course, Moon.) The plot is a great twist on a classic motif of mythology, and the visuals of Besson's future world are richly detailed. Few excel more than Willis at being a normal guy who hides his badassery, and Oldman with that pseudo-Southern accent is possibly my favorite movie villain of all time. Then, out of nowhere, this happens:

Chris Tucker plays a radio DJ named Ruby Rhod, who in about 30 seconds of screentime, eclipses Superbad's Fogell/McLovin as the most annoying character ever captured on film. He serves no purpose to the plot whatsoever, and we don't even get the pleasure of seeing him die. Rhod was the overdone piece of meat in an otherwise gourmet meal. A

Easy A - 2010

Director: Will Gluck

Writer: Bert V. Royal

Starring: Emma Stone, Amanda Bynes, Thomas Haden Church, Patricia Clarkson, Lisa Kudrow, Malcolm McDowell, Stanley Tucci

"The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated." A sort of reverse take on The Scarlet Letter, Easy A follows the exploits of Olive (Stone) as she has a series of fictitious sexual escapades for the social benefit of both the gentlemen involved and herself. However, the rumor mill inevitably spirals out of control, and Olive ends up with quite a bit more than she hoped for.

This movie was a lot better than I was expecting it to be, and had a lot of good things going for it. The script is surprisingly well written considering most entries in the genre, and Stone plays a powerful, eloquent, intelligent, and admirable female lead, far too few of which exist in film. Stone along with Tucci and Clarkson make for one of the most believable and enjoyable to watch family dynamics in recent years. Church hasn't had a role this good since Sideways, and even Kudrow is far more tolerable than her usual Phoebe-from-Friends roles. The high point of the film (which comes after a slam against an Alamo Drafthouse-type theater) is a monologue bemoaning the lack of John Hughes moments in the average modern teenager's life, something instantly identifiable for the current generation, especially one familiar with the works of the late Mr. Hughes (as everyone should be). Unfortunately, the film's far from perfect. Malcolm McDowell, having made a career on playing evil men, was horribly miscast as a high school principal in the film; it's painful to see main droog Alex from A Clockwork Orange doling out detentions. There's also an incredible sharp, sudden shift in tone from comedy to drama about halfway through the film. As I've said, the worst thing a movie can do is suffer from tonal identity crisis. While it's better than a great deal of the tripe that's come out this year, it won't make my top ten. B

The Other Guys - 2010

Director: Adam McKay

Writers: Adam McKay & Chris Henchy

Starring: Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Steve Coogan, Michael Keaton, Eva Mendes

When two hero cops are suddenly out of commission, a couple of desk jockeys (Ferrell & Wahlberg) attempt to step up, racing around New York City in a little red Prius and eventually uncovering a massive financial plot bigger than anyone expected from the two of them.

I really wanted to give this movie a chance, but I felt like walking out on it time and time again. The leads don't belong in action roles; I'd rather have seen a film about the hero cops (Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson)--it's a shame that them JUMPING OFF A 20 STORY BUILDING starts the plot. And that's the first of many problems with the story, which also includes Wahlberg accidentally shooting Derek Jeter and a flashback of Ferrell as a college student becoming a pimp (I wish I were joking). I didn't so much as crack a smile, much less laugh, so a comedy this is not.

Some background on this project which adds to the pain: Ferrell and Wahlberg originally were wanted to be the leads in Cop Out, but they wanted too much money, so they essentially left to make their own movie. Adam McKay has a gratuitous mention of both Jaws and the Star Wars franchise, an obvious slap in the face to Kevin Smith. Try to at least have a little class when making your films, if you can't produce something legitimately entertaining. F

The Social Network - 2010

Director: David Fincher

Writer: Aaron Sorkin

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Andrew Garfield, Armie Hammer, Justin Timberlake, Rooney Mara

"A guy who makes a nice chair doesn't owe money to everyone who's ever made a chair." The latest work from the man who brought us Fight Club and Curious Case of Benjamin Button depicts the founding of everyone's favorite social networking site by Mark Zuckerberg (Eisenberg), as well as the lawsuits brought upon him by former best friend Eduardo Saverin (Garfield) and Harvard rivals Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (Hammer & Hammer).

"Oh, no," they said. "No one could EVER make a movie about Facebook," they said. "The trailer's overdramatic and some of the facts are exaggerated," they said. With full confidence, I can say this: THEY WERE WRONG. This was my most anticipated film of 2010, and it didn't disappoint in the least. Sorkin's script makes this a film not merely about Facebook, but things like greed, betrayal, friendship, and determination, and Fincher's direction allows his dialogue to properly shine, instead of such lines as "I was drunk, and angry, and blogging," falling flat and sounding ridiculous. The script's structured very well, alternating between the depositions and an in media res depiction of the events in question. Also, Fincher's choice of using mostly up-and-coming actors enhances the need of the main characters to prove their self-worth. Rooney Mara (cast as the female lead in Fincher's Girl with the Dragon Tattoo remake) doesn't get much screentime, but certainly makes the most of what she has, even despite her "The Internet is written in ink" line. Andrew Garfield (Peter Parker in Marc Webb's Spider-Man reboot) also continues to impress from his role in last year's Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus; his American accent is flawless, and he does a great job portraying the scorned-yet-concerned friend. Armie Hammer (Harrison Bergeron in the short film 2081 and the almost-Batman) excels in his dual role as the Winklevoss twins, getting some of the best lines in the film ("I'm 6'5", 220 pounds, and there are two of me"). Justin Timberlake is also nigh-flawless as Napster founder Sean Parker; his performance made me entirely forget that he ever went onstage for screaming teenage girls and sang songs like "Tearin' Up My Heart." And naturally, Jesse Eisenberg is spot-on; despite the occasional light-hearted moment, I can see him using this role as a stepping-stone to more serious fare than his past work. Audio in the club and party scenes was wholly immersive, shaking the walls of the theater and obscuring some dialogue (but in a way that works). The final scene (which I have already spoiled for one person too many) is incredibly humanizing, which is very hard to do for a character that the film spends a good deal of time besmirching. It's something remarkably identifiable for anyone remotely familiar with the workings of the site. I personally ended up on Zuckerberg's side, thinking the lawsuits against him were excessive and unnecessary. This is the film of the year and needs to be seen YESTERDAY. A+

And on an MPAA-related front, this PG-13 film was allowed two non-sexual uses of the F-word, as well as a smattering of lesser profanity. Progress is a wonderful thing.

Get Low - 2010

Director: Aaron Schneider

Writers: Chris Provenzano & C. Gaby Mitchell

Starring: Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Sissy Spacek

"I want everyone to come who's got a story to tell about me." Based on a true story from 1938, the elderly Felix Bush (Duvall) goes to funeral director Frank Quinn (Murray) in search of a pre-death funeral party to hear the stories that townsfolk tell about him.

The movie's got a rather simple plot, but it's entertaining from beginning to end. Duvall gives an Oscar-worthy monologue at the film's end, and Murray has never made a bad film aside from Garfield. The movie also stays surprisingly upbeat, despite focusing on a man about to die. For the first real film project from the director and writers, it's nothing short of superb. My only complaint was the first scene of the film, which wasn't explained until the last 15 minutes of the 100 minute film, and (I think) should have been removed altogether. That's all I have to say about that. A

Permanent Midnight - 1998

Director: David Veloz
Writer: David Veloz
Starring: Ben Stiller, Maria Bello, Owen Wilson, Elizabeth Hurley

"People always ask, 'What's the worst thing heroin drove you to do?'. I always answer, 'showing up on Maury.'" This every-so-slightly comedic drama tells the true story of television writer Jerry Stahl (Stiller) and his struggle with drug addiction in the 1980s, while working on ALF, thirtysomething, and Moonlighting.

I have a list of traditionally-know-as-comedic actors that I can only tolerate (in fact, who excel) in serious roles. The list is as follows:

• Steve Carell (Little Miss Sunshine)
• Jim Carrey (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)
• Will Ferrell (Stranger Than Fiction)
• Adam Sandler (Reign Over Me)
• Ben Stiller

I'll make exceptions for Mystery Men and Tropic Thunder for Stiller, but he's just unparalleled in Royal Tenenbaums, and he's dead on in this role. He has this wonderful manic energy that makes him perfectly suited to play a Hollywood junkie. I highly recommend this movie so people can see the less zany side of a "comedy" actor, and I'm sure I'll be saying more of the same when I get around to watching Noah Baumbach's Greenberg. My only fault with this film is the way that it's told. Stahl explains his life story to a fellow ex-junkie (Bello), which the audience sees through a series of flashbacks, and it's just a few ticks off of proper linear storytelling, yet not altogether along the lines of something like Pulp Fiction. A-

Machete - 2010

Directors: Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis
Writers: Robert & Álvaro Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Jessica Alba, Cheech Marin, Robert DeNiro, Steven Seagal, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan

"You just fucked with the wrong Mexican." The former federale Machete (Trejo), tasked with the assassination of an anti-immigration state senator (DeNiro), is betrayed by the man who ordered the hit. With the help of his priestly brother (Marin) and an underground network of illegal Hispanics led by the enigmatic Shé (Rodriguez), Machete embarks on a mission of revenge, ultimately leading to the Mexican drug lord (Seagal) responsible for the death of his wife.

This is not a film to be taken seriously, and if anyone does so (especially some poor soul like Tom Tancredo), they'd be making an egregious error. Rodriguez has stretched his trailer from Grindhouse into a film with B- and C-list celebrities, and it's exactly what the trailer promises: chock full of over-the-top action, gratuitous nudity, and somewhat cheesy one-liners. But when a movie's written properly and directed well, it's okay to shut your brain off for a couple hours and simply enjoy the experience, even if that means pretending that Steven Seagal is Mexican, and that people still find Lindsay Lohan desirable when she's not machine-gunning down the bad guys while dressed as a nun. B-

Oh, and remember the look of Grindhouse? Film grain and pops and cigarette burns and whatnot? That lasts through the opening scene and credits, then disappears for the remainder of the film. To me, it's a nice compromise between making the film look modern and those who prefer the look of the initial trailer. To others, not maintaining this asthetic for the entire duration is a betrayal of the purists. You be the judge.

Eat Pray Love - 2010

Director: Ryan Murphy
Writers: Ryan Murphy & Jennifer Salt
Starring: Julia Roberts, Billy Crudup, James Franco, Richard Jenkins, Javier Bardem

"To lose balance for love sometimes is part of living a balanced life." Elizabeth Gilbert (Roberts), a New York journalist writing a piece on a medicine man in Bali, asks the man about her relationship. He predicts she will be married twice, one short and one long, so she instantly begins to doubt her marriage to Steven (Crudup). One night, after praying to God for the first time, she nigh-spontaneously realizes she doesn't want to be married anymore. After a brief fling with an actor (Franco) from a play she wrote, she decides to fulfill her dreams of world travel by indulging her body through Italian food and her soul through a stay at an ashram in India before returning to Bali at the behest of the medicine man.

Despite this film's 38% on RottenTomatoes, I went into it wanting to like it. Julia Roberts is a great actress, and America's Sweetheart for a reason. This movie is a misuse of her talent. I can only fault the story so much, though, as it actually happened (more or less). They needed her to make this work, though, because otherwise you end up hating the protagonist when she leaves her husband instead of working out their marital issues (I still hated her for it). Franco is one of the high points of the film, despite his little screentime. His character provided some great laughs, with exchanges like this:

"How did you become a vegetarian?"
"I saw some cows slaughtered once."

Sounds better than it looks on paper, I promise. Crudup dancing (albeit in an inappropriate flashback) is good for a chuckle too, and (apparently by accident) he produces some sympathy post-divorce. And as much as I've enjoyed Jenkins in the past (you may recall his work as the bald gym worker in Burn After Reading), his well-accented Texan in this film's tendency to refer to Roberts as "Groceries" bugged me, reminiscent as it was of Jay calling Silent Bob (both of Kevin Smith fame) "Lunchbox," the difference being that Roberts is thin enough for her clavicle to poke out for half the film and Smith...is a little bigger. Bardem's role in this magnifies that from No Country For Old Men; without the funny haircut, cattle gun, and coin, he's a total pushover. If you're a woman who has ever had relationship troubles, or wants to travel the world, see this movie; if you're anyone else, take a pass on it. D

Legends of the Fall - 1994

Director: Edward Zwick

Writers: Susan Shilliday & William D. Wittliff

Starring: Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins, Aidan Quinn, Julia Ormond

"Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends." Colonel William Ludlow (Hopkins) and his sons Alfred (Quinn), Tristan (Pitt), and Samuel live out in the middle of nowhere Montana. Despite the objections of their father, the three brothers hop the border and join the Canadian military when World War I starts brewing, and the soon-to-be-married Samuel dies in a hail of German bullets. In addition to less severe injuries sustained by Alfred, the entire family is shaken by these events, notably Tristan. What unfolds is an epic tale of self-exploration in post-World War I western America.

Before seeing this film, I had never heard of Zwick, Shilliday, or Wittliff. Upon completion, I know why; in the dichotomy presented in the above quote from the film, they clearly fall in the "crazy" category, not "legends." Unable to cope with his self-supposed failure to protect his younger brother in the war, Tristan completely deserts his family (including the wife that was nearly Samuel's) to grow out his hair and beard and tour the world, cutting out the hearts of anything he can get his hands on, as he did to his brother's corpse (because the WWI dead didn't get sent home to their respective countries, apparently). The family that the story follows is a motley crew of accents, with Quinn sounding unplaceable, Pitt vaguely southern, and Hopkins...like he pretty much always sounds. Oh, and the whole story is told by a Native American character that they mention would "never lower himself to speaking English." Ponder that for a moment. Said character also somehow outlives Tristan, even though he was already an old man in the 1920s when Tristan had just started his family. Legends of the Fall? More like Legends of the Fail. I would not recommend anyone waste 135 minutes of their life watching this. F

The Life of David Gale - 2003

Director: Alan Parker
Writer: Charles Randolph
Starring: Kevin Spacey, Kate Winslet, Laura Linney

"No one who looks through that glass sees a person; they see a crime. I'm not David Gale. I'm a murderer and a rapist...four days shy of his execution." This harrowing story follows David Gale (Spacey), a former philosophy professor and member of anti-death penalty organization Deathwatch, as he tells the story of being falsely accused of the rape and murder of colleague Constance Harraway (Linney) to a reporter (Winslet) who is his last-ditch effort at avoiding his last days coming prematurely.

Certain movies exist that I really enjoy 95% of the way through, and then the ending leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Life of David Gale is one of those. Spacey is in top form, Winslet is the most convincing Brit-as-American I've ever seen, and Linney is superb in her emotionally and physically pained role. The plot's very well written, and makes some great points about its controversial subject. There's some wonky cinematography in there as well, but it's nowhere near as off-putting as the revelation that Spacey's character drops on the audience in the last half hour of the film. I can't say any more, but it's one of those moments that makes you want to throw a heavy object at your screen. Overall grade: B