Best and Worst of 2012

I know it's been awhile since I wrote anything here (shame on me), but I figured if anyone still reads this that isn't on my Tumblr or Twitter accounts, they might want my top and bottom 10 films of the year.

Top 10:

10. Argo -- "Ar-go fuck yourself."

9. Django Unchained -- "The D is silent."

8. Moonrise Kingdom -- "What kind of bird are you?" 

7. Chronicle -- "You don't feel guilty when you squash a fly... and I think that means something. I just think that really means something."

6. Lincoln -- "I am the president of the United States of America, clothed in immense power."

5. The Dark Knight Rises -- "The fire rises."

4. The Avengers -- "There's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you. Because if we can't protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we'll avenge it!"

3. Sleepwalk with Me -- "I zinged him, cause I'm a comedian."

2. Cabin in the Woods / Ruby Sparks -- "Ok, I'm drawing a line in the fucking sand. Do NOT read the Latin!" / "She wasn't happy. So I made her happy... and now she's like this all the time."

1. Looper -- "I don't want to talk about time travel because if we start talking about it then we're going to be here all day talking about it, making diagrams with straws."

Bottom 10:

10. The Amazing Spider-Man -- "Thirty-eight of New York's finest, versus one guy in a unitard."


9. Frankenweenie/Dark Shadows -- "You are afraid of what you do not understand, like a dog is afraid of lightning or balloons."/"If I can't have you, my love, I'll destroy you!"

8. Premium Rush -- "Brakes are death."

7. The Hunger Games -- "Look at you! You just killed... a place mat!"

6. To Rome with Love -- "Oh God! Here comes the bullshit!"

5. The Raven -- "You are referring to one of my stories. A work of fiction!"

4. Total Recall -- "Hey robo-dick, that's mine!"

3. The Watch -- "That is the best 2300 bucks I ever spent. I got it at a place called relaxtheback.com. It's like Toys-R-Us for your ass and back."

2. Hope Springs -- "He is everything. But I'm... I'm really lonely. And to be with someone, when you're not really with him can... it's... I think I might be less lonely... alone."

1. The Dictator -- "Why are you guys so anti-dictators? Imagine if America was a dictatorship. You could let 1% of the people have all the nation's wealth. You could help your rich friends get richer by cutting their taxes. And bailing them out when they gamble and lose. You could ignore the needs of the poor for health care and education. Your media would appear free, but would secretly be controlled by one person and his family. You could wiretap phones. You could torture foreign prisoners. You could have rigged elections. You could lie about why you go to war. You could fill your prisons with one particular racial group, and no one would complain. You could use the media to scare the people into supporting policies that are against their interests."
Three honorable mentions for films that were nearly a waste, but for one or two performances:

• Beasts of the Southern Wild
• The Master
• Rock of Ages

Beasts of the Southern Wild - 2012

Director: Benh Zeitlin
Writers: Lucy Alibar & Benh Zeitlin
Starring: Quvenzhané Wallis, Dwight Henry

I wish I could have a plot description here; I really do. Unfortunately, this might be the first film I understand less about after watching it than I did before. 

Wallis and Henry both give spectacular performances; it's no wonder that British director Steve McQueen has already snapped them up for his next feature. The film's also shot beautifully, evoking a strong sense of the less fortunate side of New Orleans in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Unfortunately, the script had more problems than I can shake a stick at (or discuss without venturing too far into spoiler territory). I'm amazed this won the Camera D'Or (best first feature) at the Cannes Film Festival with all its faults. Once you've watched the trailer, you've seen enough of it.

Rating: C-

Hope Springs - 2012

Director: David Frankel
Writer: Vanessa Taylor
Starring: Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, Steve Carell

Rating: D+

Total Recall - 2012

Director: Len Wiseman
Writers: Kurt Wimmer & Mark Bomback
Starring: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, & Jessica Biel

Rating: D

The Watch - 2012

Director: Akiva Shaffer
Writers: Jared Stern, Seth Rogen, & Evan Goldberg
Starring: Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, Vince Vaughn, & Richard Ayoade

Rating: D

The Dark Knight Rises - 2012

Director: Christopher Nolan
Writers: Jonathan & Christopher Nolan
Starring: Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Joseph Goron-Levitt, Morgan Freeman, Marion Cotillard

Rating: A

The Amazing Spider-Man - 2012

Director: Marc Webb
Writers: James Vanderbit, Alvin Sargent, & Steve Kloves
Starring: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Denis Leary


Rating: C-

Moonrise Kingdom - 2012

Writer/Director: Wes Anderson
Starring: Jared Gilman, Kara Hayward, Ed Norton, Bill Murray, Frances McDormand, Bruce Willis, Jason Schwartzman, Tilda Swinton


Two 12-year-olds (Gilman & Hayward) decide they're madly in love after briefly meeting, so they run off from their respective scout troop and family in an attempt to get married and fulfill all the dreams a 12-year-old could fathom. The stakes rise when a storm of legendary magnitude threatens their small New England town.

If you know me, you know how much I love Wes Anderson. He's my second favorite director after Rian Johnson (Brick, The Brothers Bloom, and the upcoming Looper), and I identify far more with Rushmore's Max Fischer than I care to admit. Maybe that means the following needs to be taken with a grain of salt, maybe not: Moonrise proves that Anderson's first foray into a period piece is right up there with any of his other works. He's got a wonderful script (perhaps a second Oscar nomination is in store?) and works with a mostly fresh cast (all of who deliver in spades, even the young leads) this time around. There's an effect in the climax that could have been more polished, as well as an element to the young relationship that seems completely inappropriate, but once that squicky scene passes, the audience is back to being immersed in a remarkable cinematic experience. A

Brave - 2012

Directors: Brenda Chapman, Mark Andrews & Steve Purcell
Writers: Brenda Chapman, Mark Andrews, Steve Purcell, & Irene Mecchi
Starring: Kelly MacDonald, Emma Thompson, Billy Connolly, & Julie Walters

A soon-to-be betrothed princess (MacDonald) sets out to change her fate, rather than follow the path her parents have chosen for her.

This is a spectacular film in every facet, and I'm stunned that it doesn't have a stronger critical approval. First of all, major recognition to the folks responsible for the ad campaign, the vast majority of which is pulled from the first 30 minutes of the film; I don't think I've ever been less spoiled in my entire filmgoing career. It was quite a relief to hear a bunch of authentic Scottish (or at least British) voices in a movie about Scottish characters, and the plot is very solid, save for a minute detail of the climax. I'll support any film with a strong female protagonist like Merida, especially when the idea is wholly original, and the native 3D works really well. Cars 2 really worried me, but Brave proves that Pixar still has terrific potential (and they can somehow sneak male rear nudity into a PG-rated film). A

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World - 2012

Writer/Director: Lorene Scafaria
Starring: Steve Carell & Keira Knightley

Rating: B-

Rock of Ages - 2012

Director: Adam Shankman

Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise
Cast: Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Paul Giamatti, Malin Ackerman, Mary J. Blige

Rating: C-

Prometheus - 2012

Director: Ridley Scott
Starring: Noomi Rapace, Michael Fassbender, Charlize Theron, Idris Elba, Guy Pearce
Cast: Logan Marshall-Green
 
Rating: B

Snow White and the Huntsman - 2012

Director: Rupert Sanders

Starring: Charlize Theron, Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth
Cast: Ian McShane, Bob Hoskins, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Toby Jones


Rating: C-

Men in Black 3 - 2012

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Writer: Etan Cohen
Starring: Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Emma Thompson, Alice Eve, Jemaine Clement, Michael Stuhlbarg


Rating: C

The Dictator - 2012

Director: Larry Charles
Writers: Sacha Baron Cohen, et. al.
Starring; Sacha Baron Cohen, Ben Kingsley, Anna Faris, Jason Mantzoukas

Rating: F-

Dark Shadows - 2012

Director: Tim Burton
Writer: Seth Graheme-Smith
Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfieffer

Rating: D+

The Avengers - 2012

Director: Joss Whedon
Writer: Joss Whedon
Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner, Scarlett Johansson, Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, Clark Gregg, Cobie Smulders


Rating: A+

God Bless America - 2012

Director: Bobcat Goldthwait

Writer: Bobcat Goldthwait
Starring: Joel Murray, Tara Lynne Barr


After being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Frank (Murray) goes on a raging rampage of revenge against the subtle evils of modern culture with his young sidekick Roxy (Barr).


Aside from his minor role in the 1997's animated Hercules, I was relatively unaware of Bobcat Goldthwait's existence. That all changed last year when I came across the incredible gem of World's Greatest Dad. Apparently, he's been writing/directing a very unique brand of dark comedy since 1991. While his latest venture doesn't quite match up to the 2009 entry, it's still quite a good film. Murray (one of three brothers of Bill), who had a notable role as Fred Rumsen on Mad Men recently, is the perfect schlub. It's hard to imagine a more societally attractive person in the role, and Murray's got the acting chops and then some to back it up. Barr, while a newcomer, gives a terrific performance as the wild-minded teenage girl that has cropped up in a surprising amount of movies lately (at least, ones I've seen). She's very convincing, especially in the scenes where Murray has to talk her down from taking things too far. I didn't understand why the very last scene played out in the manner that it did, but it's a small price to play for a great Falling Down/Bonnie and Clyde mashup for the modern day. B+

The Raid: Redemption - 2012

Director: Gareth Evans
Writer: Gareth Evans


In Jakarta, a SWAT team busts up a slum apartment building in an attempt to take out a local crime lord.

RottenTomatoes calls this movie "all thrills and no frills," and I just can't top that. The plot's just enought to be convincing and believable, but the action sequences are literally the best I've ever seen, and where this movie truly shines. Gunplay, swordfighting with machetes, as well as classic hand-to-hand combat by way of martial arts (all with remarkable, steady cinematography) makes this Indonesian-language film worth every penny and then some. It sets the bar tremendously high for the announced sequel (possibly a trilogy at the end of the day), as well as the impending English-language remake, but worst-case scenario, we can pretend nothing exists but the first incarnation. A

The Cabin in the Woods - 2012

Director: Drew Goddard
Writers: Drew Goddard & Joss Whedon
Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Jesse Williams, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz
Rating: A-